I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Randomize
