So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
We had sex on a dog bed..
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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