Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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