Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
