tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
