i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
