You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
