Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
well you can't waste a boner
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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