Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
