I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
You are the jesus of drinking
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
