All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
