Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize