That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
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