Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
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