so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Welp...herpes.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize