Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
