Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize