I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
