STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
