I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
