A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
