i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
