It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Houston, we have a blender
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
