Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
