Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
