I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize