i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
