The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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