Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
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