like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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