New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
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