The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
i've created a new STD.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
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