if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
