now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize