a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
