Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
