Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
