so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
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