Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
