There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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