if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
be right there i have to get my cape
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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