Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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