On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
