if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
