sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
