We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
