Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
