I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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