i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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