ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
