can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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