she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
