I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize