After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Still dying that you shit outside
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
