Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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