Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
