dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
