her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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