There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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