Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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