I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
