wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
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