I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
