i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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