he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
