There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize