2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Randomize
