marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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