I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
