I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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