god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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