I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
