I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
