Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Randomize
