I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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