Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
