We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
