when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
