Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I could fuck to npr.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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