There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I need to align my fucking chakras
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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