1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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