I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
