Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
