the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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