oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
