The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
