She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
it was like eating out sand paper
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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