dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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