so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
