oh god the rape fog is back!
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
