bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
